Flashes In Eternity
by Reuker
Summary: Everywhere, everyone, every place, everything, is a flash in our lives, a flash in an eternity we ourselves will never fully experience, because that is the curse of mortality. A series of related or unrelated Lexarke one-shots.
1. Commander Snow

Commander Snow

_WORD: SNOW_

* * *

Clarke sat up with pleasant sigh, arching her back slightly as she reached up to the heavens, a small groan escaping her lips as her back cracked. Suddenly, she shivered, and became aware of how her breath was visible and just how _cold _it was in her home in TonDC. She was only staying in the city for a few more days, a week at most, before she would accompany Lexa to Polis. Clarke couldn't be around her own people any longer, or at least for the time being. They were suffocating, always demanding her presence and vying for her attention and her affection. Some had even gone so far as to ask for her hand in marriage, and though they had done anything beyond telling her their name to deserve her hand.

As though she would actually say _yes _to some pampered _boy _from the Ark. _Pfft _as if. Clarke had a far superior person, _woman,_ that was interested in her, and she was just as interested.

Clarke smiled at the thought of the Commander, her emotions welling up into a bomb within her chest, that was slowly filled with the affection, love, downright infatuation that Clarke had for the lethal leader. Soon, all of Clarke's emotions exploded with in her chest, filling her with the feelings she had caged beneath the iron door of an iron mask crafted from an iron will that had bloomed during a time of desperate, depressing, and damaging war. Now, all of those gloomy and grey emotions were conquered by brighter ones. They brought a smile to the blonde's lips, and a sparkle to her eyes that had not been there since she was a young girl. The sparkle had run and hidden, deep within her eyes only to be brought out during one of the most magical times of the year, during a magnificent time of peace and prosperity.

Clarke quickly hopped out of bed, knowing what her visible breath and chills meant. She slipped on casual grounder clothes. She donned a black long sleeve shirt, and brown breeches, desiring to later ride one of the horses through the snow to visit the twins and her other friends one last time. Over this, she donned a thick leather jacket made of pale leather and cloth with robust chest pockets and deep pockets for her hands. The jacket had intricate buttons made of steel that linked together only to be covered by a strip of leather and cloth that hid them from view. Clarke then wrapped a scarf of deep blue silk around her neck loosely, tucking the ends into her warm, flexible coat. Finally, the blonde pulled on her almost knee-high boots, just a shade darker then the brown of her breeches.

Fastening her belt on her hips as she left her temporary home in search of two things: Lexa, and food.

But as Clarke's stomach rumbled from beneath her jacket, she concluded that Lexa could wait a few more minutes in favor of sating her appetite.

* * *

After eating boiled Quail eggs in the company of Nyko, Clarke set out to find the lethal leader of the Grounders. She knew Lexa had no meetings that day, what with all of this lush snow coating the land like chilling blanket and many opting to sleep in during the cozy time of year. The Trigedakru worked hard almost every second of everyday, but during the winter months, patrols were short and rotated constantly, and the food stored came in plentiful bounds of varied options and flavors. Survival was the minimum they labored for, but now, they labored for more lavish options that they had ignored in favor of saved energy during war time.

Clarke reveled in the crunch of fresh snow beneath her expertly-crafted boots. The Sky People, her people, had boots as well, though they were no where near as warm or as comfortable as the boots the craftsmen of the Trigedakru could produce. The lack of experience was constantly made apparent among the Sky People, and if it were not for the Ark, their old metal husk, they would not survive long. Some could not even wield an axe without spraining a wrist or cutting themselves. The fact that they still tried to maintain an air of superiority when among Grounders made Clarke embarrassed to say that she came from the same place as them. Abby was one of a select few of Sky People that had dropped any facade of superiority to the Trigedakru, and had welcomed their ideas and methods with open arms.

It was sad, really. Just as Abby had begun to act more like a true mother, Clarke was leaving.

But hey, there were some benefits. One of them? Not being around as her mother and Kane began to flirt and date and do... other things.

Yeah, Clarke didn't want to be around for that.

Soon, Clarke caught site of a fiery red and gold sash that waved in the chilled wind, bits of crisp white snow sticking to its lower part, and she smiled in victory. Her victorious smile however, quickly morphed into one of soft adoration, and perhaps even love, as she realized what Lexa was doing.

The lean, lethal Commander of the Twelve Clans was facing off against half a dozen Grounder children all swaddled up in the warmest clothing their mothers could force them into. They all held snowballs of varying sizes, shapes and levels of success, and they had playfully evil grins on their faces, like the children that know that they've beaten an older kid at something.

Lexa was unfazed, and kept her torso behind a wooden shield that was strapped to her left forearm over a thick leather jacket, one that looked much like Clarke's own. In her right hand, Lexa held a well made snowball, and it was ready to be thrown. A playful glare was hammered into Lexa's eyes, only to be melted and reforged into a look of glee as she let out a war cry before launching her snowball, catching a young boy in the shoulder as he leaped to dodge it.

The boy slumped over, pretending to be dead for exactly three seconds before leaping up to throw a snowball at Lexa, who lifted up her shield to block. The snow ball exploded in a burst of white power against the smooth wooden shield, and Lexa let out an evil laugh.

"You will have to work harder to take down the mighty Commander of the Snows!" Lexa howled, laughing as the children let out adorable war crys akin to the fierce yips of a disgruntled pup. She usually wasn't like this, but these children had dubbed her Commander Snow, so why not go with it?

Clarke's smile grew wider as she watched Lexa weave about the small children, blocking and slapping them with handfuls of soft snow. The small children yet out fierce yells every time Lexa roared, blocking attacks and returning them with playful shots that made them dodge for nothing but laughs and slight exercise. Soon, and evil smile replaced Clarke's amused and adoring smile. She would help the kids defeat the Commander of the Snows.

So Clarke bent down and scooped up a handful of snow, holding a finger to her lips so the children wouldn't give her away. They all smiled evilly and crafted more snowballs, but didn't throw them. They would wait for Klok kom Skaikru to attack Commander Snow-Monster before they attacked.

Clarke pulled her arm back, and flung it forwards, launching the compact snowball right at Lexa's back, confident that it would hit its mark with ease.

So naturally, when Lexa spun to block the snowball with her shield, Clarke was positively stunned.

The Commander smirked at her, voice laced with smugness as she spoke to Clarke. "You must work harder than that, Klok kom Skaikru, if you wish to land a snowball on me."

Clarke lifted her chin up stubbornly, voice powerful and overly dramatic for the children, who watched in anticipation. "Oh, don't worry Leksa, your fight will be over soon enough, as my allies and I will succeed in taking you down before lunchtime." Clarke looked at her new young allies, rallying them up. "Will we not?!"

The young children let our fierce cries that, in actuality, weren't all that loud.

Together, Clarke and the children threw snowball after snowball at the seasoned Commander. Lexa dodged and blocked the snowballs seemingly without effort, but Clarke knew they would wear her down soon enough.

But suddenly, Clarke realized that all of the children had hidden behind their makeshift fort between two trees, and she had not a single snowball at the ready.

But Lexa did.

A playfully evil glint flashed in Lexa's dark emerald eyes, and Clarke glared in warning.

"Don't. You. Dare."

Lexa smirked, and hurled the snowball at the blonde, who dived to the floor to avoid the speeding snow. But Clarke didn't move fast enough, and the snowball caught her in the ribs.

The blonde clutched her side in false agony, crying out "Avenge me!"

Suddenly, the war cries of six children became the war cries of a dozen children, their ages ranging from six to twelve. They cried out together, and began to launch snowball after snowball at the Commander, until she was overwhelmed.

Lexa held up her hands, and the plethora of flying snowballs ceased. "I surrender. You have avenged Klok!"

The children cheered and giggled, racing out from behind their fort to dance around the Commander, who tackled the youngest and ruffled their hair before pulling a girl of six years onto her shoulders so she could reach up and inspect a squirrel hole from a safe distance. A moment later, she set the girl down, and moved to smile down at Clarke, who had gotten comfortable on the snow covered ground, having folded her hands behind her head. Two children, ages eight and twelve, had joined her, but the leaped up and joined the racing children not a moment later, somehow sensing how the two women needed a moment.

"Well, I must say, Clarke, you gained quite the few powerful allies today," Lexa teased.

Clarke nodded, "That I did, and we even managed to defeat the fierce Commander Snow."

Lexa chuckled, her smile warm and comforting as she gazed down at the woman that had somehow captured her heart. Clarke gestured for her to lay beside her, and Lexa quickly moved to mirror the blonde's position. Their elbows brushed together when Lexa folded her own gloved hands behind her head, and she looked at Clarke briefly before turning to look up at the sky, smiling brightly. She hadn't been this happy in a long, long time.

Neither realized that the children had begun running together, their deep imprints in the snow creating an almost perfect heart. Later in the day, a fire would be built at its center, and the children would play well into the day, and still, the heart would remain.

* * *

_OH SO SAPPY AND FLUFFY. SOMEONE CALL THE FLUFF POLICE._

_Ya like? Feel free to post one word prompts in reviews or PM me them, seeing as I essentially don't use my Tumblr for anything but to scroll through my dash to look at my usual dorky things and obsessions. This will eventually be a massive story full of one-shots, but be warned, I tend to take my time with these because I literally have only one shot._


	2. Toons and Loops

Never Too Early

_WORD(S): FRUIT-LOOPS (PRETEND ITS ONE WORD OKAY, JUST DO IT FOR ME) AND CARTOONS. I DECIDED TO COMBINE THEM COZ I FELT LAZY. AND THEY FIT. MHM._

* * *

Lexa awoke with a soft sigh, her eyes opening wide before going into a semi closed state as the foggy confusion seeped from her mind, leaving her mind clear and sharp, even at eight in the morning on a Saturday. The room was warm, much unlike the weather outside. Lexa could see the snow falling just outside the window on her side of the bed, and she smiled. There was nothing like waking up on a snowy Saturday when life was just about perfect. She had always woken up early on Saturdays, but that Saturday just felt... different, perfect, more peaceful then Lexa had ever experienced.

Ever since she was little, Lexa would awaken at eight or seven in the morning. She would wake up, and hurriedly rush from her room to the dark, quiet living room, dragging her favorite dark green blanket with her, tossed carelessly over one of her little shoulders as she attempted and failed at being quiet, as if she could silence her little feet when she ran for cartoons.

Cartoons. They were one of Lexa's greatest pleasures, aside from the woman she lay beside. It had always been like this, but Clarke was the newest addition to her usual cartoon routine. They had only just moved in together last Sunday, so the blonde had yet to be introduced to Lexa's Saturday habits. They had known each other for four years, yet the blonde had never learned of Lexa's early Saturday morning routine.

They were only eighteen. Eighteen, in college, in love.

So hopefully Clarke wouldn't be too grumpy when Lexa arose to watch her morning cartoons. There was supposed to be a Looney Toons marathon on today, and Lexa didn't want to miss it. She let her eyes flick over the warm tan walls of her shared bedroom, and smiled at the sight of canvases that rested against the sparse furniture. Lexa exhaled slowly, it felt perfect, just laying in bed, but her cartoons would be on soon. So the superb marksman rose from her side of the bed, and pressed a gentle kiss to Clarke's temple before walking silently out of their shared bedroom into the living room. The floors were made of dark hardwood, and it barely creaked, if at all, so Lexa didn't need to work hard to keep her footsteps quiet.

As she walked into the kitchen to prepare a bowl of Fruit Loops, a fond smile bloomed on her lips, remembering how she used to get her Fruit Loops from the top of the fridge when she was too short to reach.

_Seven year old, four foot five Lexa Trigeda ran into the kitchen, attempting to muffle her excited giggles with her hand as she approached the fridge. The 'Toons were on that morning, and she had been waiting all week to be able to wake up early of her own accord, and get to watch her shows. She had even put on her favorite, most comfy pajamas the night before. Various Looney Toons characters danced across her pajama bottoms, her shirt an old West Point hoodie that belonged to her Ma._

_Lexa looked up, spotting her favorite cereal - the best cereal of all time - Fruit Loops. Her Ma loved them, but Momma preferred the Cheerio's, claiming they were better for them all. But what did grumpy Momma know? She drank a bunch of coffee everyday, when Ma didn't drink it at all 'coz she said it was bad for her health. Lexa's tongue poked out from between her lips as she concocted a plan to get the Fruit Loops down from their place atop the fridge. Ma would usually leave the Fruit Loops on the counter on Friday nights, but Momma had probably put them away._

_So Lexa did the only thing she could possibly think would work._

_She kicked the fridge._

Lexa smiled fondly at the Fruit Loops she held in her hands. The Fruit Loops would always fall right into her hands, well, except for that one time when she didn't catch it and the cereal got everywhere... Lexa chuckled. Ma - Anya - had gotten _so _mad, before breaking down into laughter at the bored, annoyed look on her visiting sister's face. Indra had cleaned it up, having lost some sort of bet the night before.

The clink of a spoon and the crinkle of a plastic bag were the last noises to sound before the sounds of the television destroyed the peaceful silence of the house. Lexa curled up on the couch with her Fruit Loops, pulling the dark green blanket that coated the couch over her shoulders as she got comfortable. She settled back with a pleased sigh before taking a spoonful of her favorite cereal, her eyes glued to the television.

* * *

Clarke awoke far too early that morning.

_8:30 AM? What the hell?_

But the disgruntled blonde still rose from her bed, with a dramatic groan as per usual. She arched her back with a yawn, groaning in pleasure as the sounds of her back cracking reached her ears. She cracked her knuckles before rubbing at her eyes, trying to rub away the sleep that pleasantly clouded her mind. She padded on cold feet to the bathroom, then, to the kitchen, in desperate need for coffee. However, instead of seeing an empty living room and kitchen, Clarke saw her girlfriend curled up on the couch, watching Looney Toons of all things, eating Fruit Loops.

Lexa looked so innocent and adorable, and Clarke's heart melted.

"Hey Lex," Clarke said softly, moving to press a kiss to the girl's temple. "Someone's up early."

"Mhm. 'Toons." Lexa was still somewhat asleep, even if she was fully invested in her cartoons. She felt sleepy, but she certainly wouldn't fall asleep, not with her cartoons on. Class had been wearing her down, with the work load increasing in downright ridiculous increments, so she wasn't as energetic as she usually was on Saturday mornings.

Clarke smiled fondly at the taller girl before going to make a pot of coffee, her body in desperate need for her early morning caffeine fix. The blonde gave a soft laugh when she entered the kitchen. The box of Fruit Loops was left on the kitchen island, and the milk was too, along with several different bowls, because for some reason, Lexa only ate her cereal from the one dark blue bowl in the cabinet above the sink. Of course, in her sleepy yet excited state, Lexa had forgotten to put everything back. Well, if it only happened on Saturdays, Clarke wouldn't mind.

Once her coffee was done, Clarke moved to curl up beside Lexa, folding her legs to the side as she tucked her feet under a pillow. Lexa shifted, wrapping her now free arm around Clarke's shoulders, covering her in the dark green blanket. The blonde rested her head on Lexa's shoulder, and the two watched cartoons late into the morning, silently deciding that classes could be skipped that day.

Luckily for them, class had been canceled.

* * *

_I actually used to kick the fridge to get either Coco Puffs or Fruit Loops off the top of the fridge xD_

_HEY RESINSWHY HA HA HAHAHA MORE FLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFF. Heh._


	3. The Cliff

The Cliff

_WORD: WINGS_

* * *

The Cliff was a popular spot for Spring Breakers in California, its lack of surveillance and amazing view being more then enough to attract people. A large part of the area was a field of short cropped, fresh green grass and a scattering of weathered, sun-beaten trees. A massive, almost perfectly smooth slab of pale rock acted as a platform that was littered with beach chairs, portable barbecues, towels, and abandoned beer cans. The cliff itself was only a twenty six foot drop, and it dropped into crystal clear water, full of brightly colored fish that minded their own business as they acted as colorful seafaring decorations. The entire place was beautiful and downright perfect. If you asked anyone what the best part about partying at The Cliff was, they would tell you it was jumping off it.

Well, anyone except Clarke.

"GO ON PRINCESS! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" Bellamy hollered, already drunk of his rocker and teetering off of his chair, a half empty bottle clutched in his hand as he waved an empty one about for no apparent reason. Raven sat in the chair beside him, flashing flirty winks at a cute sandy haired boy that had introduced himself a half hour before. Kyle Wick had certainly caught her attention, and now, he was surely never going to lose it, if either of them had their way. Clarke didn't know how she should feel about the impending relationship between the two.

Well, he was a major upgrade from Finn.

The sky was a bright, inviting blue, and the clouds were nothing but borders on a beautiful canvas that left everything to the wild imagination of the coherent members of the human species. The sun was shining powerfully, a beacon that causing those who had been drunk since nine to hiss and scramble about, hunting for sunglasses even before their hangovers set in. The seagulls had been chased away, and food was passed around from group to group, the teenagers not caring if they knew each other well or not, their joyous moods leading to an increase in generosity and friendliness. All in all, it was a pretty perfect day, and no one could have any reason to be negative at The Cliff.

No one but Clarke.

The blonde was absolutely terrified of heights, and she had only just overcome her fear of drowning with Lexa a few weeks before in preparation for Spring Break. Usually Bellamy wouldn't be this way, recognize how fearful Clarke was and find a way to diffuse the situation or get her out of it. But when he was piss-ass drunk? He wasn't Big Brother Bellamy, he was one half of the Drunken Things, with his sister, Drunken Thing #2, usually matching him beer for beer and shot for shot. So of course, Drunken Thing #1 decided to dare her to jump off The Cliff.

She was mortified.

So when strong arms moved to wrap themselves around her waist from behind, Clarke jumped in fright, barely managing to contain her scream. She was held gently against a warm body as she gasped for breath, trying to calm herself. Clarke let out a ragged breathe before sighing in relief at hearing the persons voice.

"Sorry about that Doc," a husky, feminine voice teased, her smile evident in her tone.

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I'll accept the apology, Commander, only because you didn't let me fall after scaring the shit out of me."

The two stood on the very edge of the Cliff, right where Clarke had been standing, hyperventilating, for the past five minutes. Clarke had somehow felt so incredibly alone there, standing at the edge of The Cliff. It was just like that one fateful day, when they had all plummeted from the sky. It didn't matter that Octavia and Raven had sat on either side of her that day, clutching her hands in fright as they all screamed. Now, Clarke wasn't alone, and was held safely in the arms of her friend.

Her crush.

Just perfect. She was losing her shit in the arms of her crush and they were both barely clothed.

_Sure Lexa has on shorts. I saw her ass in them earlier she looks good but they're so small that they shouldn't even count as clothing. I have on this damn bikini and it's barely covering my - I mean we're practically naked and I'm going to have a heart attack-_

_Is Lexa talking?_

"-Hey, you okay there Clarke?" Lexa asked worriedly, slowly pulling the girl away from the edge of the Cliff.

"Bell dared me to jump," Clarke said quietly, and Lexa had strained to hear her over the noise of the other hundred college students that roamed the place. The Cliff was massive, so it easily roomed the hundred drunken students.

Lexa growled under her breath. She wanted to call Bellamy an idiot, but everyone was an idiot when they became drunk. She sighed, and spoke in Clarke's ear, "You don't have to do it you know. He's too drunk to remember that you didn't do it. We could always slip away and he would be none the wiser."

Clarke smiled, and placed her hands over Lexa's, which rested against her stomach. "I know I don't, but I want to. I shouldn't be so afraid of twenty something foot drop. That stupid plane accident shouldn't have messed with me so much. We didn't even fall that far before the engines-"

"Clarke," Lexa interjected firmly, still maintaining a soft tone. "Like it or not, that was a traumatic experience. If you want to get it over it now, then do it. I have faith that you will overcome your fears, but that doesn't mean that you need to overcome them _today_."

The blonde bit her lip, embarrassed. She turned in Lexa's arms, and wrapped her own around the taller girls shoulders. Lexa leaned down, sensing that Clarke needed to say something important.

"It's just, I'm so-" Clarke gulped. "I'm afraid of falling, Lexa."

Lexa smiled comfortingly at Clarke. "Fear not, wise Doctor, for I have wings," Lexa brushed a piece of hair away from Clarke's face, tucking it behind her ear. "Do you trust me?"

Clarke nodded, her arms subconsciously tightening around Lexa's shoulders. She had a inkling as to what would happen next, and she didn't plan on taking action against it.

"Then fall with me."

Lexa leaned forward, and suddenly, the two fell down, down, down, into the cold water below.

Clarke wasn't as scared as she thought she would be.

* * *

_LET THERE BE FLUFF._

_I promise there will be angsty one shots at some point... but I feel like torturing resinswhy with fluff for a bit longer._

_HEY JUDE LONG TIME NO PM xD_


	4. I'm Not A Monster

I'm Not A Monster

_WORD: MONSTER_

* * *

How did they get here? After everything that they had done, after everyone they had killed just to destroy the cursed mountain, the men that had caused their suffering still managed to cause them pain. They still managed to strain the wills of the Trigedakru and the Skaikru. They still managed to test the bonds between them.

It was because of the vile men of the mountain that Clarke watched in horror as Lexa roared, foam gathering in the corners of her mouth as she tugged viciously on her restraints. They had been forced to lock her in a metal box, for her safety and the safety of the general populace that acted as if all was well just outside the dark grey walls of the Ark. The thick chains they put her in should (hopefully) hold her, even with her strength-

_Clink_

One chain was broken.

The other chain groaned for a moment as Lexa struggled to free herself, her vicious snarls keeping the guards at bay. Her strength was amplified to an inhuman level because of the drugs, and Clarke expected the other chain to break soon enough.

_Clink_

The second chain was broken.

The guards ran from the room, all of them forgetting about the Chancellor's daughter, who sobbed into her palm at the sight of the Commander. They had found her running wild through the forest, poisoned with the Reaper drug and already dangerously addicted. Lexa hadn't been able to recognize any of them, and had nearly ripped Nyko's arm off when he tried to bandage a gash that streaked across her ribs down to her hip. They had been forced to subdue her with vicious blows dealt to knock her unconscious. But the most vicious blow was the one dealt to Clarke's heart, because Lexa hadn't recognized her of all people.

_Her girlfriend._

Clarke knew that it was irrational for her to expect Lexa to recognize her in her drugged, feral state, but it still affected her. She had hoped that she would be able to tame the beast, so to speak, and heal Lexa like she had Lincoln, but the drugs were, according to her mother, Abby, too strong. One of the escaped Mountain Men must have given it to her somehow, only furthering the desire for blood that was shared between the Trigedakru and the Skaikru. The Mountain had fallen by their combined hand, but some of the Mountain Men had escaped their punishment and continued to breathe.

They would not breathe for much longer, not if Clarke had any say in the matter.

But all thoughts of revenge were absent in the blonde's mind, her focus fully on not letting her girlfriend murder her with her bare hands.

Lexa roared at her before charging, murder clear in almost black eyes, and Clarke had barely managed to duck beneath the fist that no doubt could have killed her. Instead, Lexa's fist smashed into the hard wall, denting the somewhat soft iron slightly. Time seemed to slow as both women paused almost all movement, keeping their positions.

Lexa held her fist there, huffing, eyes wide as she took in the sight of her girlfriend, her _houmon._

She had just attempted to kill Clarke, the holder of her heart, her 'girlfriend', her mate.

_What was wrong with her?_

Lexa stared deeply into Clarke's eyes for a moment, the lack of fear within them surprising her, instilling fear into her_._

"You-you are not afraid," Lexa stated, barely keeping control of her body as red snaked about the corners of her vision. She had so little control, and she didn't know when the drugs would force her to relinquish what little she had. She couldn't risk hurting Clarke, and fear was what she wanted to instill within the blonde, because it would keep her away. Lexa needed her to stay away, because if she stayed away, she would be safe from her.

Clarke stood tall, her cheek inches from where Lexa's fist was pressed against the dented wall. She shook her head, and gently grabbed Lexa's hand, taking the Commander's damaged fist in both palms. Her fingers ghosted over quickly forming bruises as she inspected Lexa's knuckles. There was no doubt more damage then what Clarke could see, and her mother was better equipped to tend to Lexa's injuries. She would have to bring the woman down soon, if Lexa wanted to keep full use of her right hand.

Powerful blue eyes flicked up to meet wild emeralds, "No, I'm not."

Lexa swallowed, a lump prominent in her throat. "You should be," her eyes angled down to her bruised fist, inspecting the damage. She couldn't feel the pain that should be radiating from it. "I'm a mons-"

"-No."

The two stood in silence for a time, before Clarke continued.

"You are _not _a monster, Lexa," Clarke whispered, voice somehow firm, demanding her to listen. "This isn't you, it wasn't you that attacked me, it was someone else, created by those damn drugs those bastards gave you. You can fight this, Lexa."

The Commander swallowed again, nodding as her vision became a blur of red, and her muscles tensed. She was losing control.

"Clarke," Lexa gasped, restraining herself with what little control she still possessed. "I can't - you need-"

The blonde pressed a kiss to the corner of Lexa's mouth, breathing, "I love you."

She ran from the room, just as Lexa let out a howl as the last scraps of control were ripped from her grasp.

Lexa wasn't Lexa any longer, she was only there for the ride the drugs took her on.

But deep in her mind, a small little scrap of sanity began to chant.

_I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster. _

* * *

_Here's a shorter one with Reaper!Lexa. This isn't related to They Took Me, Take Me Back. The plot for that story is quite different._

_Sorry for the shortness of everything guys, hopefully my work will be back to 2k for each entry, or maybe 3k. Still trying to get back into the gist of things here folks!_


	5. I'm Not A Monster Pt 2

I'm Not A Monster Pt2

_WORD: MONSTER_

* * *

Things had been looking up. Lexa had been gaining control for longer periods of time, but then losing control for longer and longer, as if the scrap of sanity she possessed would wear itself out, trying to convince her poisoned mind that she wasn't the monster she believed herself to be. But Clarke refused to give up on her, and was with the girl day after day. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. When she lost control, she couldn't even form words in English or Trigedasleng, the only noise she could make being growls and other threatening, feral noises along with grunts that could mean yes or no. So whenever she gained control, Lexa wouldn't waste any of her words whining about benign things - no, she never did - instead, she used all of her words on Clarke, trying her best to give them the feeling of being a normal couple, if they were even a couple anymore, or if they would be one when Lexa was fully healed.

Once, Lexa had been the real Lexa for over four hours, and that day Clarke's usually sullen and depressed expression morphed into one so bright and hopeful that she rivaled the sun. She had finally thought that Lexa was overcoming the effects of the drugs.

But at the end of that day, her mood was darker than a night with no moon.

_Clarke intertwined their fingers as she sat on the picnic blanket she had laid down in Lexa's... new room. It had a good-sized, comfortable cot and a small chest that was bolted to the floor, it's edges smoothed out so that she couldn't herself. She had spare clothes, but no shoes, only socks, so no laces could be of access to the lost Commander. No one wanted her to be able to hurt herself or others, so they crafted the room to be safe enough to even house a person with bones made of glass and skin made of paper. _

_But Clarke knew it made Lexa feel like an invalid, what with the whole setup giving the feeling that she was a troublesome babe that would choke on the first small toy she would find. Or worse, make someone else choke._

_Clarke had only been in Lexa's new room once before, and the last time she had been herself for over an hour. The two had sat and talked and laughed, trying to be as much like a normal couple as they could be with their current situation. They had shared so many stories and little facts about themselves, and Clarke was grateful for the time she was able to spend with Lexa, the real Lexa, that day. And because of what they had shared, Clarke had brought special food._

_"I brought your favorite," Clarke said softly, shuffling over to curl into Lexa's side, resting her head on the warrior's shoulder as she tucked her legs beneath her._

_Lexa smiled excitedly, "Bacon and cream cheese?!"_

_Clarke nodded, amused at how excited Lexa was about the prospect of food. "I convinced Indra to tell me where I could find your favorites, and I made them just before I came in so they'd be warm."_

_Lexa pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's temple, saying softly against her skin, "Thank you."_

_Clarke shrugged, trying to fight off her impending blush at the utter love and devotion she detected in those two words of gratitude. "It was nothing. Now, let's eat, you need your strength."_

_Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke's shoulders before using her free hand to pull out two carefully wrapped sandwiches. The bread was thick, round and perfectly toasted. Between the two slices of bread were thick slices of crispy bacon and the perfect amount of fresh, expertly made cream cheese. Clarke took the sandwich from Lexa's outstretched hand, but didn't take a bite as she watched Lexa set out to demolish the sandwich with gusto._

_Clarke had hoped that if Lexa ate her favorite food, that the sensory memories she unlocked would help her fight the effects of the reaper drugs. She knew that before she had been chosen by the Commander's spirit, that Lexa had enjoyed a happy, fun-filled and innocent childhood. 'The more you reveal about the beauty, the harder it is for the beast to stay in control', according to Octavia. _

_They ate, they talked of benign things that varied constantly, they laughed, they teased each other, and they scooted infinitely closer until Clarke practically curled up on Lexa's lap._

_"By the gods you are beautiful," Lexa breathed, leaning in for a kiss. She needed to be closer to the blonde, her normal self craving the contact she had lacked for so long._

_"Remind me to make you look into a mirror," Clarke ordered teasingly, meeting Lexa halfway. She too desired greater contact between them, even if it was just an embrace it would be enough to keep her going, even through this, the most difficult of all of their obstacles._

_They hadn't shared a kiss in weeks, and they felt that they had a lot of time to make up._

_Clarke had eventually teasingly asked Lexa to carry her to bed, not wanting to sit on the hard floor any longer. The Commander stood, and Clarke wrapped her legs around her waist as her arms tightened around Lexa's shoulders. In two gentle strides, they were at the bed, and Lexa sat at the edge before laying back against her single pillow, keeping Clarke on top of her. The blonde rested on her elbows, each on either side of Lexa's head as she stared down at the girl. Clarke cupped a bronze cheek, and let her thumb caress a prominent cheek bone before she snuggled up against her girlfriend. _

_Together they lay, truly comfortable for the first time in months as they traded soft jokes and quiet secrets there on Lexa's cot. _

_Good things must always come to an end, though this end seemed to come far too quickly in the eyes of Lexa and Clarke. After the fourth hour ended, Lexa began to fidget, and her words began to slur as her voice deepened, her usual husk becoming more pronounced. Her muscles tensed and she let out a small growl. Clarke got up, and so did Lexa. The blonde watched as bright emerald eyes were slowly overcome with black._

_"Clarke," Lexa slurred, voice deep and her voice strangled, "You - go. Go - need - YOU NEED GO!"_

_"No."_

_Her Lexa wasn't Lexa anymore, but Clarke wasn't afraid._

_Lexa snarled at her, a sign that she was truly mentally gone, unable to come back to Clarke for who knew how long. She was tense, ready to pounce and deliver the final kill - one thing she hadn't succeeded at so far. The blonde stood strong, confident that she could help Lexa overcome the effects of the drugs she had been administered all those months ago._

_"We can fight this Lexa, I know you can do this," Clarke said encouragingly, "Remember, you are not a mo-"_

_Lexa had tackled Clarke to the floor, and straddled her hips. The lethal Commander wrapped her calloused hands around Clarke's elegant throat and began to squeeze._

_"Enough," Clarke choked out firmly, her voice still powerful._

_Lexa paused for a moment, eyes becoming a semi-dark shade of rich green before they reverted back to near pitch black and she continued to choke the blonde. The guards rushed in quickly, and electrocuted the Grounder Commander into unconsciousness._

_Clarke shook off any attempts to help her stand, and instead crawled over to Lexa, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She whispered against her warm skin, "You are not a monster," before getting up on her own and leaving the room, gently rubbing at her throat. She was no less determined to help her girlfriend, and mentally prepared herself for the work she had ahead of her._

* * *

Week after week, Clarke spent time with the real Lexa, and the Reaper Lexa. She talked with them both, cared for them both, and studied them both.

Clarke walked into Lexa's room feeling different. That day itself felt different... more hopeful, even.

When she arrived, Lexa was snarling and completely wild, pacing about her room with a deadly grace as she glared at the cameras and then Clarke when she entered the room. She couldn't recognize anyone as anything other than an enemy that had dared to invade her territory.

"Hey Lexa," Clarke said casually, leaning against the wall as she watched Lexa pace back and forth, never taking her dark eyes off of her. Lexa growled threateningly at her, and Clarke's eyes narrowed, "Shof op Leksa."

Lexa grew surprisingly quiet, and Clarke allowed herself a small smile of victory.

Any victorious feelings she may have experienced, however, vanished the moment Lexa lunged at her, pinning her cruelly against the wall as she snarled again, eyes completely wild as the small scrap of sanity within her tried its best to reach out to the rest of her fragile mind. She glared deeply into the soft blue eyes that belonged to beautiful blonde, and the scrap of sanity's voice grew just a bit louder in her mind.

_I am not a monster. I am not a monster. I am not a monster._

"Leksa, beja," Clarke pleaded, "You are not a monster!"

Lexa roared at Clarke, slamming her wrists against the wall as her confusion grew, her mind at odds with itself. One moment she was Lexa, who was worried and protective of the girl the monster was hurting and being cruel to, and the next moment she was a feral beast attacking an enemy that dared to invade her territory.

Clarke glared deeply into Lexa's eyes, her expression fierce and demanding as she ordered in a firm, commanding tone, "Enough."

Lexa paused, and her grip on Clarke's wrists grew slightly loose. She was enthralled by those blue eyes, compelled by that tone as the scrap of sanity that Lexa still possessed began to chant louder and louder, reaching out to the damaged parts of her mind that were no longer within her control.

_I am not a monster. I am not a monster._

_I am not a monster. I am not a monster._

"Come back to me, beja," Clarke pleaded, tears welling in the corners of her eyes as her desperation grew. She couldn't take much more of this, there was only so much she could handle on her own, and the one person she was willing to share the load with was the cause of the painfully heavy load that weighed on Clarke's mind, body and soul.

The sane voice within Lexa's head chanted louder, gaining confidence and strength.

_I AM NOT A MONSTER. I AM NOT A MONSTER. I AM NOT A MONSTER._

Lexa's hands released Clarke's wrists and stumbled back in horror. She could have killed Clarke during her wild episode.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, her voice quivering and so vulnerable that Lexa wanted to hit herself for causing her love to be this way. All of Clarke's suffering, it was all her fault.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked with an exhale, tears of relief flooding her eyes. "The - the drugs - I can't feel the effects anymore."

"So are you all here? Did you come back to me?"

Lexa nodded, and Clarke let out a sob of relief before launching herself into Lexa's arms. Her hands gripped at Lexa's shoulder blades as she buried her face in the juncture between Lexa's shoulder and neck, her tears falling onto the bronzed skin there with no consequence.

"You came back to me," Clarke breathed, hiccuping.

"You brought me back to you," Lexa said softly, pressing a kiss to the side of Clarke's head before pulling her closer for a gentle hug, wary of her strength and distrustful of her body for the time being. She couldn't live with herself if she hurt Clarke again - she could barely live with herself now because of what she had done to the truly good woman that somehow loved her.

Lexa would do everything in her power to give Clarke the life she wanted, the life she deserved. Today, they would start a new, happier chapter in their lives, one that Lexa would go back to and re-read for her own pleasure in the future, and perhaps for their future children? She didn't know what would become of their future, but as long as she had Clarke nearby, she could reign in the monster.

The Commander smiled, coming upon a realization.

_You cannot reign in what you aren't._

_I am not a monster._

* * *

Maya sighed in defeat. The latest and last reaper serum had failed, its mission having been to destroy the Commander mentally to the point where the Skaikru and the Trigedakru would put her down physically. The last of the Mountain Men had been captured and had faced their punishment. They all experienced the pain of many, many deaths, and their bodies were never burned, and instead, left to rot deep in the forest, in the swamps where no one ventured for any reason at all.

Her people had been exterminated. The protocol for this situation was to get a gun and kill as many of them as possible, but Maya still possessed a sense of preservation. Not to mention she really liked Jasper. So she wouldn't follow protocol, and she would act like an innocent, like she knew nothing.

She watched Lexa walk strongly beside Clarke, the two smiling fondly at each other as they chatted about something Maya wasn't privy to.

_Some plans fail, but at least she'll suffer with the memories of being a monster._

Oh, how wrong she was.

* * *

_This was for resinswhy, who demanded I continue the original one-shot. Love ya Princess!_


End file.
